An Author Who Can't Read Good.
On the complicated and painful birth of my audiobook.
Necer serah lillie, Nes ah sarah liller lee, necess se rare rer lilarily.
In July 2025, I began recording the audiobook version of A Life Less Punishing. I arrived at Crescendo Studios in West Auckland brimming with confidence. I’m a huge fan of audiobooks as a medium and was excited to turn my book into one. Then - drama. Two minutes into the recording, I discovered a shocking truth: I am a terrible reader of words.
Here’s a line from the book.
It’s great fun, but it doesn’t necessarily create a culture where we feel we have permission to take friendship beyond fun.
It took 8 attempts to pronounce necessarily. Five times it came out like this..
It’s great fun, but it doesn’t nes ah sarah liller lee create a culture where we feel we have permission to take friendship beyond fun.
and then a few more like this…
It’s great fun, but it doesn’t necer serah lillie create a culture where we feel we have permission to take friendship beyond fun.
I have been a broadcaster since at least the year 2000 - when I first started presenting TV shows. From there I have gone on to be the Breakfast Host on bFM, then a Drive Host on Radio Hauraki and 11 years on the Matt and Jerry Show. I am currently the host of a live four hour radio show every week day on Newstalk ZB. All of these jobs involve speaking. Yet it took recording my audiobook to discover that I am useless at forming words -even ones I wrote myself.
Turns out I can barely utter a single sentence without mispronouncing, slurring, or butchering at least one word. In some ways, this is a win - and something to be proud of. Surviving in the audio communication business as long as I have, while barely being able to talk, must be some kind of record.
It took over 20 hours across four days to record the 288 pages of my book. It will only take the listener 5 hours and 30 minutes to listen to it. That’s a 72.5% reading failure rate from me.
I can’t even pronounce the word for the van with the flashing lights on its roof that turns up when you are injured.
An amblinse..
The following sentence from P14 took me even longer than the necessarily one.
Having pushed himself too hard, Joseph nearly died in hospital the next day; he was thrown in an ambulance with his finishing medal still round his neck.
It also turns out that hospital isn’t hos bittle.
Then there were sentences like this one from page 64.
The physiological and psychological response to a currently present threat stimulus, which initiates behavioural strategies that will protect us from getting harmed.
That one took a while.
Luckily others sentences I got through easily - like this one from the chapter on annoyance.
If you run into an arsehole in the morning, they might be an arsehole. If you run into arseholes all day - you are probably the arsehole.
and this from page 141
You took a shit in the couch, right beside Dad. You fucking idiot.
Anyway to celebrate the release of my audiobook, and to demonstrate why it took so long to record it, I will now attempt to read a randomly selected passage from the book. How far will I get without cocking it up and humiliating myself? Let’s take a look…
In retrospect I should have got Ai to read it - maybe to write it too.
However, after all the pain and humiliation of recording it, I listened to the whole thing whilst running the Taupō Half Marathon the other day - and I thought it was bloody good. It might actually be the best thing I have ever created - thanks largely to Reece Muir, the most knowledgeable and patient audiobook producer and engineer in the country. He’s turned my slurred, erratic, and mispronounced rantings into a coherent, flowing, and convenient way to consume a book.
Anyway A Life Less Punishing is available now wherever you get your audiobooks and I hope you enjoy listening to it more than I enjoyed reading it.
I have a couple of giveaway coupons. Slide into my dms @mattheathnz on insta if you are keen for a free copy.
Anyway you seem busy - so I’ll let you go. Bless, Bless, Bless. Give Em a Taste of Kiwi!
Love Matt Heath
Just finished the audiobook yesterday. So bloody good. I got more out of it, listening to it. So many good lessons in there. Bravo 👏🏼👏🏼
This is hilarious! Sounds like it was a hard slog but hey, you got it done, congrats! I loved the book, thinking I might go again, listening to it this time. Love your work Matt!