Right Wing Shill, Dirty Commie or Hugh Grant.

Political polarisation and projection at a beer fest.

Seconds from 180-degree political abuse.

We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear. Our belief system is a mirror that only shows us what we already believe - Don Miguel Ruiz

The Dunedin Craft Beer and Food Festival is the most wonderful time of the year. It’s always a nice day under the roof at Forsyth Barr Stadium, and I was lucky enough to attend again this year: food, drink, tunes, and happy people in my hometown. A bunch of people who have listened to me over the years came up for chats across the day. It was lovely. I feel very grateful that people have enjoyed my broadcasting over the years and want to tell me that.

Then there are, of course, the people who hate my guts and want to tell me that. I am not as grateful for them. I wish I could be, but I haven’t quite reached that level of enlightenment yet.

After dozens of friendly interactions, things took a nasty turn. Within a five-minute window, I was accused of both being a dirty communist and a rampant right-winger. It was a wild swing in less time than it took me to finish a drink. Who would have thought craft beer festivals were such hotbeds of political stress and confrontation?

Hot bed?

The first challenging interaction occurred as I queued for a beer from my good mates at Behemoth Brewery. A young, small, heavily hydrated lady stumbles up with an angry look. She pokes me hard in the chest with a pointy finger and slurs something like, ‘Hauraki is so much better now without your rightwing bullshit’. I asked what I said that led her to that conclusion. She poked me again even harder and right in the same spot and told me not to be ‘tricky’ and that I knew exactly what she was talking about. ‘Your right-wing anti-bike riding shit’. I told her that I ride a humiliating little orange e-bike to work. She poked me again and said, ‘bullshit you do’, and added that she is ‘so happy that Jeremy is free to be the guy he is on Seven Sharp with Hilary without you, being a right-wing dick and making him say things he doesn’t mean’. She went to poke me again in the chest, but I was too quick this time. I stepped back and made my escape.

In her defence, she was massively steamed.

Me, not on a humiliating orange E-bike.

Next up, a good-looking, large-boned guy in his 30s collared me with a smile on his face and said something like, ‘I tuned into your Newstalk ZB show. Look, mate, you are not right for ZB’. I asked why, and he said, ‘You’re too woke. You should go back to Hauraki. We don’t need another woke, lefty.’ I asked him what I had said he didn’t like; he told me it was just the ‘usual mainstream media commie shit’.

In his defence, he was massively steamed.

I thanked him for his insights and continued on my happy way. By which, I mean I snuck into a back room, hid behind some exercycles and made a pillow out of rubbish bags. As I lay shaking in the fetal position in my concrete sanctuary, three questions raced through my brain.

1. How can I simultaneously be too right-wing and too left-wing?

2. Why would two people at a Beerfest feel so passionate about their perception of my politics?

3. How could such a small lady hurt my chest so badly with her pointy little fingers?

In my defence, I was massively steamed.

These dichotomies of opinion over the same content occur often in life. On my radio show last week, we compared the concession speech of one of the 2024 US presidential candidates with the other candidate’s acceptance speech. My favourite scripted speech is JFK’s 1962 address at Rice University, putting forward the case for going to the moon. "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard’. I wondered if that speech would work as well today.

My question was simply: is the classic, well-written and well-delivered speech or the off-the-cuff style speech more effective for politicians in 2024?. The text machine exploded with angry people calling me either a Trump hater or a Trump lover—the exact same words aggravating people in the exact opposite direction.

Our belief system is a mirror that only shows us what we already believe - Don Miguel Ruiz (again).

What do you see?

So, am I running a political agenda I don’t know about? I decided to find out once and for all. To this end, I undertook a full and thorough investigation of myself. I googled ‘Is Matt Heath massively left-wing or hugely right-wing or nah?’. I did this on my laptop at Dunedin Airport. Immediately, things took a humiliating turn. A bunch of pictures of me popped up on my browser. I locked eyes with the woman beside me. She had seen me google myself and smiled knowingly. I went bright red in the face and slowly closed my laptop. It would have been less embarrassing if I had been caught searching blue material. So, at home that night, I waited until I was alone, closed the door, pulled my bedroom curtains, switched on my VPN, put my browser into incognito mode, and googled myself again.

And…. BINGO! I found a Reddit thread entitled ‘Has Matt Heath Always Been A Secret Right-Wing Shill?’ Perfect. Surely, this would be all I need to winkle myself out.

What do you see?

Much of the argument in favour of the moot revolved around our current PM appearing on my previous radio show. Someone countered that the Matt and Jerry show had had every sitting PM on our show in our time and that Grant Robertson was a friend of mine and used to manage my band, so proximity to power didn’t prove anything. That didn’t matter. The PM had been in the same room as me more than once, and I hadn’t been overtly rude to him; ipso facto, I was a right-wing shill.

What do you see?

Another claimed I was a right-wing shill because I was a landlord (which I am not) and that I was happy when interest rates came down because I have a mortgage.I do and was. But this also doesn’t seem like solid evidence of a political leaning. I am pretty sure it is possible for left and right-wing people to feel better about lower mortgage repayments for their family home.

The debate eventually moved to a more profound place. They began looking for clues to my politics in the lyrics of the song Beers, which I wrote with some friends in 2004. The chorus of which went.

I would give you one of my beers. But I have only got six. I would, but I don’t like to share, and I’ve only got six.

A commenter concluded that these are hardly the lyrics of a socialist. Unfortunately, this also doesn’t prove a lot. Beers is likely the least political song ever written. The lyrics are based on comments made by the manager of a band called ‘Something for Kate’, to me at the Big Day Out in 2003, randomly shoved together with something my little sister used to say to me a lot when I wanted a bite of a sandwich or biscuit she was eating.

This line from the song is much more meaningful.

I write songs that always rhyme that’s why I made this one rhyme.

Which is a tribute to the line ‘Generals gathered in their masses. Just like witches at black masses’ - from Black Sabbath’s epic 1970 anti-war banger War Pigs.

Anyway, as deep as the social media discussion was, they didn’t appear to get any closer to answering the original poster’s angry question. Have I always been a secret right-wing shill? I was also no closer to answering the louder and more frequent allegations I am facing that I am a woke communist.

Then it struck me. This pointless investigation I was doing was pointless. The two people at the beer fest, those polar opposite texters to my radio show, and those commenting online aren’t questioning. They are simply projecting their own fears, suspicions and biases onto whatever blank sheet of half-thought-out-half-arse media content that happens to pop up. And I don’t blame them. Who hasn’t done that? I know I have. I also know I should try to do it less. As my boy Marcus Aurelius put it in Meditations.

‘Tranquility comes when you stop caring what another thinks. Only what you do.’

For the record, if I had to align myself with anyone politically, it would be Prime Minister David from Love Actually. A bit of a dick, with shit hair - but ultimately, a passable dude who generally attempts to do the right thing, such as sticking up for the lovely Natalie.

Thankfully, it’s almost that special time of the year when people of many political persuasions, real and perceived, put aside their differences and come together to watch Love Actually, Home Alone, Gremlins, A Christmas Prince, The Santa Clause, Die Hard 1 and 2, Fred Claus, Bad Santa or Elf. But I might be projecting.

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Anyway you seem busy, I’ll let you go. Bless, bless, bless. Give em A taste of kiwi.

Love MH

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